the mirror

Once again
I find myself
Looking into the mirror
Unhappy with what i see
Scared to look beyond the glass
Always wondering
If this is me
Or what everyone else wants me to be

Now somethings changing
I'm changing
Not on the outside
But from within
So only I know about it
But soon it makes its way to the outside

Soon i don't recognize myself at all
All my feelings and pain
Have made their way out
As what looks like
THICK BLACK PAINT
Covering me
And making me even more
Unwanted

When i leave my mirror
I go outside
Some people stop
Others stare
Still i walk on

Having no one to help
Just increases the pain
The black paint on me
Feels as though it
Truly is a part of me
Becoming me

I just need someone

Then she comes
The only person who can help
Around her is a cloud
A beautiful raincloud
Here to wash away all the pain
And give comfort

without a heart

i gave my heart away
to try to make her stay
but then she had to go
so now i have a hole

at first it brought pain
i almost went insane
because you never know until you part
the pain to live without a heart

Happiness

to see your pretty face
to look into the deep dark eyes
i could lose myself in them
to laugh about nothing
but simply our being together
to point out that your tiny flaws
are my favorite things about you
to feel like neither of us
are in control
but instead just floating
down a river of love
wherever it leads
to feel the butterflies in my stomach
whenever i hear your voice
to know that i've found
the perfect girl for me

the choice

i see you
on the sidewalk
just sitting
clothes worn out
a single big toe
sticking out of your shoe

when i walk past
i feel a small tug
like a connection
as though we used
to know each other
but then stopped
for whatever reason
buried in the past

you stir as i approach
several crumbs fall
from your scraggly beard
and shock
is written all over your face
uve felt it too

its almost as though we
used to be friends
best friends but
just stopped one day

it all starts to come back
when our eyes meet
the things you went through
the way i couldnt help
then the ultimate choice
that we werent friends
anymore

theres such a difference
between us now
you on your mat
me in my suit
looks like we really did
go our separate ways

and now what happens
should i stay and try
to help you out
but ive already tried that
a long time ago
i guess it didnt help

you see the successfulnes
all over me
and ask for some cash
just like you always did

but i dont know
how am i to know
that you wont just go
blow it on more useless stuff
just trying to make it to
tomorrow while today slips away
through your fingers
like wet sand

so now the choice is
all up to me
your life is in my hands
i could help you
but i really wonder
would you be worth it

Ears on the wall

You moved in
next door
My heart moved up
To my throat
Everytime I saw you
Always too scared
Of the inevitable
Regection
That you would give me

Or so I thought

So here I am
With my ear on the wall
Trying to hear you
But there's no noise
Nothing at all
Just a quiet room
I just sink back to my sound life
All alone

I see you in the hall
You kind of give me
A friendly smile
One day
So there is hope!!!
But still I am me
And after all that's below your level

I go back to my spot on the wall
And I hear you hum
O what a hum
I wish it was you singing to me

But your voice slowly fades
And it get quiet again
I thought I heard a small bumb
Like the pressing of an ear to a wall
But I might just have imagined it

With your room quiet
I sink back to my world

Then a loud crash
My mind instantly thinks
That you're in danger
I rush to your room
Not seeing the plate
I just dropped

I burst through your door
To see you with your ear on the wall
Trying to reach out to me
To someone so like yourself
The only one who can understand

The dream

It begins
I'm in a hall
Its a familiar place
I have the feeling
Of being here before
The walls are generic
The doors are generic
The boring grey walls
Offer no inspiration
No hope
Of escaping this place

The door closest to me
Seems to pull me closer
A single step at a time
Before I know it
My hand is on the knob
Then my body gets pulled
Into the darkness
The unknown

When the door shuts
Voices erupt into my ears
Undiscernable at first
But I quickly find a way to understand
Its all the mean things
People have said to me
Throughout my life
Some kinda make me laugh
At their sheer stupidity
But others make me sad
I find myself shrinking
Down to the floor
Not being able
To hold this mistake-ridden corpse up
All goes dark

I awake again
Not fully awake at first
Just lingering on the edge
I feel arms around me
Comforting my sorrow
I feel them leave
And open my eyes
Only to see a girl
Walking away
Leaving me
Yet again alone
I want to follow
But my body won't listen
So I wait
In this hall

When she is gone
I get up
I'm once again in the hall
More towards the middle
I can see an end
Up ahead of me
I would like to go
For it but my body
Won't allow me that
I go to the door closest
To where I awoke
Not by choice
But following my body

This room has a little light
But in certain spot
Illuminating objects
People
Doing things you
Wouldn't want to see
But these things
I've thought of them before
I've wanted them
Craved them
But society's morals
Have taught us
That these are wrong
I had repressed them
To the back of my mind
When I first though of them
But with them in front of me
Where I can see in person
Can touch
Can do
Can join
I'm am torn
Between what I want
And what society wants
My mind begins to tear
And I feel myself losing it
Losing hope
It all go dark

The warm arms are back
I begin to awaken
This time the arms stay
Not leaving me to
Fend for myself
Actually staying
Showing me they care

My eyes open
And I look
Into the face of an angel
A glowing smile
Brightening my hopes
Giving me strength

She helps me up
And I've come to the end of the hall
However there is a fork here
Leading 2 ways
With 2 doors
My angel stands next to me
Not giving any notion
Just waiting
Waiting for me to choose

I begin to walk towards one
Taking slow steps
Looking back at her face
For a hint if I'm choosing right
The glowing smile is still there
Not showing any other emotion
The remaining steps are getting less
I get in front of the door
The knob seems far away
With one last look at my angel
I open then door

An arm pushes me to the side
I hit the floor
As I see my angel
Get swallowed by flames from the room
I get up and try to help
But she quickly closes the door
And the door disappears

There's is only one place
Left for me to go
Now that my angel is no more
I turn to the other door
And return to the hell of my normal life

I awake

selfproclaimedinsomniac

this poem could possibly be a song. i wrote it to be such but i'm not really all that good at putting music to lyrics yet so i'll need to get on that :D

[verse 1]
the moon's awake and so am i
you're not here with me tonight
i'm all alone in this cold bed
you're not in the sheets but in my head

[chorus]
we built it up
you tore it down
i saw you smile
it made me frown
And now youre gone
but im still here
i found the love
replaced with fear

[verse 2]
people watch while some stare
look at my jeans my silly hair
i'm all burnt out and so it seems
sleep comes hard when you dont have dreams

[chorus]

[verse 3]
i'm tired of being all alone
so baby please come back home
crawl into the sheets so deep
so we can go and get some sleep